So, yes, it has been another month and yep, I am not pregnant. Just when you think you are your friend comes knocking at your front door. We have tried but, it is not happening. We can keep trying, I keep telling myself. We can keep trying, for its fun trying, right? But come on already I am 32 and aging. Not much left under this hood. I guess age really isn't all that big of a deal but I am almost out of the childbearing ages. I personally don't want to be a 50 year old lady with a new born, that would just be devastating.
I have had many thoughts this week about foster family or adoption or even maybe going to a fertility clinic.
I guess, I will need to make an appointment for the fertility clinic. We have a fertility clinic here in Stevens Point, Wisconsin, at the hospital. I just have to get the courage to make an appointment and get something found out about what is going on. I guess I just feel a little embarrassed. How come my sisters all have 2-5 children with no worries in the world. Why does it have to come down to me with all the problems. Yes, I know I have a thyroid problem, inherited it from my mother, and heart problems inherited from my dad. Thanks mom and dad for the inheritance. But, seriously, can those two things make you not become pregnant? I am a nurse, but I am not good at this whole child bearing subject. I was never an OB nurse, or will I ever be. Its not that I do not like children, because truthfully, I love kids. I love playing with them, and they can be fun. I know it is not all fun and games there will be sacrifices and issues that arise, but dang I am ready for the challenge already. Seriously, it should be a normal process that everyone gets to experience if they choose to. For a while Dale and I just wanted to be him and I, but now, I just want more. It is not that Dale and I aren't complete just being him and I, because dang we are so complete it is crazy.
Why does pregnancy have to be so hard? I have no idea, why life has to take on challenges. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed, life is challenging and that I have a great life with an amazing man. I know life can take its ups and downs, but why when we feel we want something so bad, we are not strong enough to achieve it. I pray to God while in church on Sunday but, sometimes I feel he is not listening. I feel he has something else in store for Dale and I. I just wished I knew what it was. Am I having the right feelings about this whole ordeal, or am I just going crazy.